"Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up...Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break."

~Ecclesiates 4:9 (TEV)

Pre-Family Support Marriage Preparation Programs

The Archdiocese of Detroit Office for Family Life directly supports a number of services and programs to parishes and families to enrich and nurture the many families – whether in pre-family, active-family or post-family stages – that make up the church.

Family Life Office
305 Michigan Ave.
Detroit, MI 48226
Office: (313) 237-5894 Office Director
Office: (313) 237-5892 Office Facilitator
E-Mail: FamilyLife@aod.org

• Covenant Love - Weekend program for first marriages
• Cana II - Weekend program for previously married

FAQ on Marriage

Marriage Issues

• I’m divorced and want to remarry. Do I need an annulment?
• My fiancé isn’t Catholic. Can I still be married in a Catholic church?
• Why are divorced/remarried Catholics treated differently than other sinners?
• What does the Church have to offer single Catholics?
• Why is the Church opposed to homosexuality?
• What's so bad about living together before marriage?

Get reliable information drawn from the publications of St. Anthony Messenger Press, the publishing service of the Franciscan friars who sponsor OnceCatholic at http://www.oncecatholic.org/reading.asp.

Father Randy on the Challenges of Marriage

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother (and be joined to his wife), and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." ~Mark 10:7-9

Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. This familiar statistic is often cited by those concerned with the state of marriage and family life today. I agree that there are reasons for concern. However, this particular statistic is misleading. It gives a couple contemplating marriage the picture that they have only a fifty-fifty chance of "living happily ever after." Data such as this might even become one factor that leads many people to live together instead of entering into marriage - they fear becoming one more statistic.

The idea that half of all marriages result in divorce is deceptive in at least two ways. First, this statistic takes into account all marriages. We know that there are people, Hollywood celebrities and perhaps family members or acquaintances who have been married three, four, five times or more. Obviously these "marriages" drive up this statistic. Behind these numbers is the reality that some people are incapable of making a lifelong commitment. Some who belong in this group along with others who do not really practice "serial monogamy," even they continue to legally marry.

Second, statistics also indicate that couples who marry in church AND who maintain an active life of faith through weekly worship, prayer and community involvement have a much lower rate of divorce. The "and" in the above sentence is very important and deserves emphasis. It is not just having a church wedding that will help a couple fare better in their marriage that the national average. Continuing to practice and live their faith seems to be the most important aspect of this data. This is not a matter of hocus-pocus, magic or superstition. I think it boils down to common sense. A couple that practices their faith will be more in tune with understanding their marriage as a vocation - as a call from God - as we say in the Rite of Marriage, "Whom God has joined together." Believing that it was God who called you to love your partner and your partner to love you goes a long way in celebrating and sustaining you through good times and bad. In addition, married couples practicing their faith have a greater sense that marriage is not just about themselves or their immediate family. It influences and is influenced by one's wider community. Knowing that one's love has an impact on others affords one sense of responsibility to the community. Likewise, from the community one receives support and sometimes challenges that assist a couple in being faithful to their vows.

In our own community of faith we support marriage and families in numerous ways. Part of our marriage preparation for engaged couples includes at least two sessions with a professional counselor as well as four weeks of instruction and shared wisdom from married couples. We celebrate our annual blessing for anniversary couples as well as celebrate significant wedding anniversaries both liturgically and in the bulletin (when couples send us a photo!).

Fr. Randy Phillips, The Flame, October 8, 2006

This is My Body

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. ~Ephesians 5:25-26

When a Catholic couple celebrates their wedding Mass, there is a connection which can be made between the sacrificial meal that takes place on the altar, and the sacrifice of their lives. At the very first Mass, Mark's gospel records Jesus as saying, "Take it; this is my body." Isn't this, in essence, what spouses proclaim to one another on their wedding day? Their words and actions on that day say, "I am giving myself to you completely, mind, body and soul."

Jesus makes this kind of vow to us in the Eucharist. He is telling us that He is giving Himself to us completely, even so far as to give us His Body and Blood. We receive such an awesome gift each time we partake of the Eucharist. It's only because Jesus has made a great sacrifice for us, His Church, that spouses can be asked to sacrifice greatly for one another. All too often we think of our relationships with other people in terms of "What's in it for me?" Jesus does the exact opposite with us. This is so clearly seen in the Eucharist.

As we celebrate the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ today, may spouses commit themselves to living for one another the way that Jesus lives for His Bride, the Church. May we, the Church, come to realize and imitate the great love Jesus has for us when He says, "Take it, this is my body."

©2003 Fr. Jeffrey Day, Parish Pilot, used with permission

Catholic Rite of Marriage

Unlike what you see and hear on television and the movies, there are at least three lines you will not hear at a Catholic wedding:

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” “If anyone knows of any reason this man should not be united with this woman, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.” “You may kiss the bride."

Let’s take each of these and explain why they are not part of our Catholic Rite of Marriage.

• “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
  The priest or deacon cannot pronounce the couple to be husband and wife. The ministers of the Sacrament of Marriage are the couple themselves, not the priest or deacon. In other words, the couple marries each other; the priest or deacon does not marry them. Remember that a priest cannot marry anyone (celibacy is not optional!) The role of the priest or deacon is to receive the consent of the bride and groom on behalf of the whole Church. The bride and groom are considered to be married once they exchange their vows.

• “If anyone knows of any reason this man should not be united with this woman, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”
  The words about speaking against the marriage are primarily directed toward the possibility that one or both of the couples is already married to someone else. In former times parishes were required to publish the “banns of marriage” for at least three weeks prior to a couple’s wedding. This was primarily to ensure that one or both of the parties were not already bound by a previous marriage. Given modern record keeping and the availability of marriage and divorce records, this custom is no longer required. It can readily be ascertained if a person is married to another before they present themselves
  to the Church for the Sacrament of Marriage.

• “You may kiss the bride."
  Finally, in the liturgy the Rite of Peace is the expected time for the couple to kiss one another. The couple is not told to do so because the Rite of Peace is not only for the couple, it is for all assembled at the liturgy. That being said, the usual way that husbands and wives greet each other is by kissing. In the marriage ritual this Sign of Peace is also a way of recognizing the presence of Christ in the assembly and affirming our unity with Christ and the entire people of God. Thus the peace a couple shares is not only their peace with one another, but also their peace (unity) with Christ and the Body of Christ, the Church.

Fr. Randy Phillips, "The Flame", June 5, 2005, St. Blase Parish

Fr. Randy on Marriage and Vows

Sometimes it is said, “What can a priest tell us about married life when he has no experience of marriage?” This kind of “logic” distresses me. Priests come into the world “in the usual way.” We do have families and are part of a family. I can look to the experience of my parents, my sister and brothers, as well as friends who are married (and some who are divorced and remarried.) One does not always require first hand experience to know about something. According to this way of thinking, one would have to try every illegal substance to discover why they should be illegal! Besides, sometimes having distance from an experience gives the observer a view missed by those who are “too close” or “too involved” to see clearly.

So here are a few thoughts for those who are married. Do you ponder the vows you spoke to one another? Okay, more to the point, do you remember what they are? I require couples preparing for the sacrament of marriage to memorize their vows. These words should be a part of their lives just as the Our Father or Hail Mary should be a part of every Catholic’s life. These words of promise, made to one’s spouse in the presence of God, should remain, and be ingrained into one’s mind, heart and soul. Since a lifetime commitment is built day by day, I also suggest you find a time and place to speak these words to one another each day.

A second idea: set a time aside each week to discuss any hurts, disappointments or misunderstandings from the past week only. Limiting this to the current week prevents old
wounds from being reopened. Why a set time? So that you do it. Why wait for a later time? Why not deal with it then and there? Sometimes you cannot deal with it when it happens. At
other times, the hurt or anger is too powerful and a cooling off period is helpful. This allows a husband and wife to be totally honest and totally loving in an atmosphere that is calm and not charged with the emotion of the moment. This approach helps two people move away from blame and toward understanding. Understanding leads to mutually finding better solutions that address each other’s needs and wants.

Finally, if your marriage could use a “shot in the arm,” consider participating in a Marriage Encounter weekend. Visit www.wwme.org for more information. THANK YOU TO YOUR VOCATION TO THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE.

Fr. Randy Phillips, The Flame, February, 12, 2006